Chocolate
by MadameProngs10
Summary: "Hey, Haley, we know how you can win over Jeff..."


**CHOCOLATE**

**Summary: **"Hey, Haley, we know how you can win over Jeff..."

**AN: **Written for babysitters100 on LJ.

* * *

There are obviously many benefits to coming to Stoneybrook High for math and science classes as an eighth grader.

One: Nicky can piss off Vanessa by scoring higher than her on Biology and Geometry tests. If there is anything Nicky knows about Vanessa, it is that she can't stand anyone topping her in school, ever.

Two: It gets him out of two classes at SMS. There are two whole periods where Nicky doesn't have to watch Lindsey DeWitt giggle every time James Hobart comes nearby, or listen as Betsy Sobak questions their teachers about the most inane, random topics she can think of just to get out of doing work.

("So. Why can't we just, like… push all the continents back together?"

"Can I write my persuasive letter on why we should change our school mascot to a llama? A llama wearing a sparkly hat, I mean."

"Wait, I'm confused. Which food group are corndogs in? Grain or protein?")

The questions had been funny a few years ago. Nicky had even gone home and used some of them on his siblings.

("No, you dumbass," Jordan had rolled his eyes at Byron. "Corndogs are a protein."

Claire had disagreed, tilting her head to the side. "No, I think they're a vegetable. Corn is a _vegetable_, duh.")

Now, Betsy's questions are just annoying.

Three: High school-level math and science classes are obviously more interesting. Most of Nicky's friends at SHS are solving basic linear equations; he's studying proofs. They're learning about tides and currents; he's standing in the Biology lab, pulling on his gloves, about to dissect a pig.

_Dissections!_ So much cooler.

The only downside to having Biology with high school freshmen?

Nicky's lab partner is Haley Braddock.

She's technically his sister's best friend, but whatever. Haley is dumb as shit, he's decided. Last week, all he asked her to do was pour the bromothymol blue into the beaker and she'd somehow even managed to mess _that_ up. If it was his choice - if Mrs. Black didn't go around the room and make sure everyone is contributing - Nicky would happily complete all of their labs on his own.

Char is right across the table, at least, which makes labs a little more bearable. Shea Rodowsky is usually her lab partner, but he's sick today. Char is lucky, Nicky thinks. Haley is hardly ever absent.

"Ohmygod," Haley frets as Nicky collects their pig from the teacher. He carefully removes it from the bag and gets it set up on the table. "Ohmygod. I can't do this."

Nicky glances at Char and rolls his eyes. His best friend is across the table from him, yet somehow he's stuck with this weak-stomached idiotic.

There are two scalpels at every station. Nicky picks one up and prepares to slice open the pig, then gets an idea and smirks.

"You should cut," he suggests to Haley, offering the scalpel to her. Across the table, Char snorts.

Haley is still standing there in horror, gaping at the pig. At Nicky's suggestion, her jaw drops open.

"It's not that hard," Char breaks in, eyes cast downward as she positions her own scalpel. "I dissected a frog in science club last year and it was easy. The earthworm we had to dissect was lame, though. Remember that, Nicky?"

"I used to dissect earthworms with my brothers, too," Nicky offers, because torturing Haley never gets old. "Claire and Margo weren't big fans."

"Neither was Vanessa," Charlotte recalls. She has heard this story before. She finishes cutting open her pig, places the scalpel on the table and pins back the sides. "Ode to a Dissected Worm…."

"How long are you guys going to talk about fucking dissections?" Haley interrupts impatiently. She is trying not to look at Char's pig. She is also thinking that she is never, ever eating bacon again. _I am officially a vegetarian_, she decides.

"Until you take the scalpel and cut open our pig," Nicky states, exchanging another smug look with Char. He'd love to just do the dissection himself, but he has to let Haley do _something_ and he doubts she's going to be much help when it comes to identifying the organs.

"I'm not-"

"It's not that hard," Nicky interjects.

He extends the scalpel toward Haley again and she glares at him, but accepts it.

"I really hate this class," she mutters, tentatively placing the scalpel against the pig. Nicky Pike is officially the worst lab partner at SHS for making her do this. She pushes gently, trying to make her first incision.

"You're going to have to press harder than that," Nicky criticizes, leaning forward, elbows on the black table. He's enjoying this. "You're never going to get it open."

"You want me to press harder?" Haley snaps, frustrated. She looks up at Nicky long enough to glower at him. "Fine, I'll press harder."

"Don't press too hard," Char advises. She has a pencil in one hand, scribbling notes on her lab sheet.

_She's going to be done before Haley even gets our fucking pig open_, Nicky notes bitterly. He's about to just give in and say he'll do it, when Haley starts to peel back the sides. Finally.

He leans forward again, peering at the pig, inspecting everything closely.

"Haley killed a dead pig," he proclaims dryly. He picks up one of the probes and starts poking the pig in various places, shaking his head. "Way to go. I didn't even know that was possible, but I guess if anyone can do it..."

"What are you even talking about?" Haley demands testily, jotting her name on her lab sheet. "It's a _dead pig_."

"Yeah, and you managed to puncture all of its major organs. Like I said, congratu-"

"Whatever," Haley cuts in. She just wants to get this over with. They can leave when they're done, and Jeff has this period free. If she finishes up soon, she can go find him. He's much better company than Nicky and Char. "Small intestine?"

"Right here," Nicky pokes at it without a moment's hesitation. "The one that sort of looks like a clump of roast beef."

Nicky is satisfied when Haley blanches in response, but labels the proper area on her diagram as the small intestine.

"Ooh," Char speaks up. She's finished with her own paper and is now watching Haley and Nicky with obvious interest. "It does look like roast beef! I didn't think of that."

"… and I am never eating roast beef again," Haley declares.

"Anyway," Nicky continues, not skipping a beat. He's having fun with this. Torturing Haley is almost - but not quite - better than disgusting Margo. He has experience with this. "The small intestine is the clump of roast beef. Here's the spleen, the lungs, the heart" - he taps each lazily with the probe as he gets to it - "and the liver! The liver is the one that looks like a scoop of chocolate ice cream."

"Thanks a lot," Char tells Nicky sarcastically. "Now I'm going to be craving chocolate ice cream all day, and we still have another class left."

"Sorry," Nicky apologizes with a shrug. "We have pig livers at my house, if you want to come over afterwards. Unless the triplets ate them all again."

"I think I have pig livers at my house, too," Char says thoughtfully. They're egging each other on at this point, having a good time. Chocolate ice cream really does sound good now, though. The fact that it horrifies Haley Braddock, clueless blonde cheerleader, just adds to it.

"Cool," Nicky grins. He finally pulls out a pencil, has his entire diagram labelled within thirty seconds. "We'll go to your place, then. Claire has been driving me crazy. Maybe we can make roast beef sandwiches, too."

"Shut _up_," Haley growls.

She's struggling to fill out her diagram, trying to remember what Nicky said was what. Him and Char are always going on about how they want to be doctors, so she's guessing that whatever he said was right. Either way, though, she isn't questioning it. She wants out of here.

Nicky and Char are working on cleaning up their stations now. A quick glance around the room tells them that none of their other classmates are done yet, even though it took Haley forever to cut open her and Nicky's pig.

"What?" Nicky teases, gathering the scalpels and probes. "You don't want to join us for pig livers?"

Haley huffs and snatches Nicky's lab sheet off the table, copying it. He doesn't stop her. "_No_. I am never eating chocolate ice cream again," she informs them. "Thanks for that."

"Anytime," Nicky shrugs. He can't help but exchange an amused look at Char.

He leaves to ask Mrs. Black what to do with the scalpels, then comes back to get rid of the pig. By this time, Haley is finished copying his paper.

"Going to meet Jeff now?" Nicky queries.

Haley thinks she's sneaky about it, but everyone knows the reason she's always in a hurry to finish up in Biology is because she runs off to stalk Jeff. Hell, half the girls in the school seem to sort of just find their way to Jeff by some strange magnetic pull.

Nicky doesn't get it. Sure Jeff is friends with the triplets - and Nicky was once even friends with Jeff, when he was like eight - but what is so great about him? He thinks he's hilarious, but he's not. He tries to be sarcastic, but it fails. He thinks he's the world's gift to females - Nicky and Char have dubbed him 'Thy Almighty Sex God' - which is just obnoxious.

"None of your business," Haley snaps, but Nicky notices the way she's blushing.

She cleans up, then all three of them turn in their lab sheets and are cleared to leave class. Haley pushes past Char and Nicky roughly and storms down the hall.

Nicky and Char just look at each other and raise their eyebrows, then burst out laughing. They head toward the library, to study for Geometry together like they always do.

"Overreacting much?" Nicky snorts, adjusting his backpack on his shoulder. He loves messing with Haley, it's like messing with one of his sisters.

"Well," Char explains as if it should be obvious. "She can't be late for her meeting with Thy Almighty Sex God…"

"True, true," Nicky allows. He opens the library door, and him and Char slip inside. The librarian smiles at them; Nicky isn't even a student at SHS yet, technically, and she already knows him by name. "I'm sure he's too busy for her, though. _Oh, Haley, I'd love to make out with you, but it's 1:54! Time to flip my hair!_"

"He so flips his hair," Char laughs. They throw their backpacks onto their regular table. "Scheduled hair flipping times!"

Nicky unzips his bookbag and pulls out his math textbook before continuing. "Jeff would approve of pig livers," he concludes. "He likes flipping his hair, and chocolate, and not much else."

"We're making pig livers a thing," Char nods, opening her spiral notebook. Then, "We should suggest this to Haley next time we see her. If you really want Jeff, we know the way to his heart..."

"Something tells me she wouldn't believe us," Nicky notes, pretending to sound upset about this.

"So are we telling her this?" Char pushes, searching her purse for her pencil. She _just_ had it.

"Oh, yeah. Can you imagine the look on her face? Hey, Haley, we know how you can win over Jeff, but you have to make us roast beef sandwiches first..."


End file.
